I am all about shooting your shot, taking a chance and cold messaging through Instagram whenever you need to push your dreams forward. HOWEVER, this needs to be done with some finesse. I can't tell you how many messages I get from people that leave a bad taste in my mouth and leave me thinking, "If they just had some social media etiquette I know they would be further along."

The number one thing to remember is this is relationship building. Poorly thought out cold DMs tell me a lot about a person.

Below are examples of things people have dropped in my DMs and got a serious eyeroll from my side: 


Not to he harsh, but what am I suppose to do with that? Please get to the point, we are not friends yet, tell me what you want. A.K.A. Get to the damn point!

“I need help!”

Clearly. I know Instagram is somewhat of a casual platform, but if you are approaching someone for their professional services, please act, well, professional. 

“Can we go for coffee?”

NOPE! I don’t know about you but my free time (which is few and far between) is reserved for my husband, extended family, friends and clients. You know and I know you want something, you would get further if you just asked. 

“Can I pick your brain?”

It is my goal in life to have helped enough people and made enough money that I can mentor as many people as I can handle. However, I’m not there yet. So that means it would be unfair to the clients who do pay for my brain power, for me to give you unfettered access. If you really think I can help, purchase a service and let’s get started!

“Can you look at my brand and tell me what I am doing wrong?”

Now this I don’t mind doing, however when I hear this I immediately think. Are you on my email list, I give tons of free tools to help you with just this? Have you watched my youtube, or IGTV? I give free tips every week and have live Q & A, have you taken the time to try that route? 

And the worst…


“I need your help, but I don’t have any money.”

What am I suppose to do with this? I am not trying to be mean, but again, there are so many free tools available to you, there is no reason you should be sending these types of messages. 

Before reaching out to anyone you admire and want to “work with” or get advice from I want you to ask yourself the following:

  1. “Have I attempted to see if I can help myself through Google?

  2. “Am I on their email list?”

  3. “Do I consume their free content?”

  4. “What do I have to offer them?”

  5. “Have I been engaging with their content for a while or is this the first time they are hearing from me?” 

  6. “Have I attended any of their events?” 

I know some of this sounds harsh, (unless this is happening to you, then I know you totally get me). BUT I promise, everything I am saying is to help you win. It’s not easy maneuvering the social media space, but it can be easily learned.



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Monique Bryan